You are the Spirit of Sadness. Deep pain and sorrow
lie within you, betrayal, jealousy and
rejection rule your life. You cannot make
friends as you are too scared at the prospect
of being hurt again and you can't take that
risk. You wish more than anything to have a
steady person there who loves you
unconditionally but you are too scared to find
them.

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
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You are the Spirit of Disbelief. You are highly
suspicious of anything that is new and are not
willing to go with change. You could have many
friends if you weren't so cautious. You simply
cannot beleive that there are people who are
genuinely good and nice. Open up more and you
will be the centre of attention. A partner
would be hard for you to find unless they prove
that they are worthy of your trust.

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Dear Melissa, The summer is here and finally you get to do whatever suits your fancy all the day long. But look, the grass will still grow, the dog will still shed hair, the house will still need a little attention from time to time, the garbage will still come on Wednesday mornings before 8am (imagine that) and that nasty ole recycling will still need to walk itself out to the curb (of course after it smashes itself again something to compress itself). I will be glad to do as much of the yard work as I can if I know that you are helping out with the things that you can help with (maybe even find a mask you can wear to help with the litter box, or take it outside to deal with it in moving air). You know your list and I am adding one to it: Melissa gets to join the ranks of laundress or laundry fairy (whichever you prefer). Wash darks in cold water (you don't have enough whites to be a whole load so you can do them with your light colored bath towels in warm water .) I start filling the washing machine with water and add the tide to whites or cheer to darks after the water gets up about six inches and then start adding the clothes inside out (if you don't want them to get nubby). Of course the delicates can be put in the lingerie nets to protect them. Your jeans usually make up a load of 4-5 pairs. If you are not clear as to what the rest of your list is, please write down the ones that you remember and then add a few that you think you would like to add yourself. When you are done, we'll talk. Love, Mom I really, really hate that woman. She makes it seem like I never do anything. I took on the few responsibilities that William left behind when he went to college. I still do my chores, I just need to be reminded every once in a while. That really isn't so much to ask. I remind her of crap all the time. She never remembers the crap I ask her to do. The worstb thing is that I'll actually have to do all this crap becauseI want to go to 2 parties today.She'll probably change her mind last minute like she did last time, and not let me go to either of them. Cause I'm such an ungrateful little welp..........I hate that stupid bitch..............

I'll probably jinx it soon, but oh well. For now, my blog is working, yah!! Jose is having a party on the last day of school. I am soooo there. Unfortunately, he has revealed to me that he still likes Ashley. They just don't get it. Why is it that the guys I like always seem to have the urge to express their love for other people to me. They just don't get it. I saw Meridith at the movie theater when I went to see Star Wars. Her hair's different now. She's going to a new school now. She almost seemed scared to see me. I worry about her, and I miss her so much. She was a great friend to have. I'll try and post some old pics later. Kirby got his hair cut yesterday. Nothing drastic, it's still okay. He hates it. Algebra and Written Communications exams today. Algebra exam was easy, but it was also very long. The Written C. exam was a joke. It took me 5 minutes. I wish I had more to talk about. I'm confused about Kirby. He hasn't called me in a while. I'm so pathetic. I love him so much. I'm such a fool around him. I wish I had the courage to tell him how much I care. I might do it via e-mail over the Summer. That seems so despicable for some reason.....

God, I haven't updated ina while. Saddly, there's nothing for me to talk about. My internet was down yesterday. I feel incredibly useless. I feel lonely and unloved.....

today was good. Okay, it was decent, but I just got done talking to Kirby, so the world is wonderful. I don't really feel like talking about his morning, so lets say I went to church and leave it at that. Afterwards I went to the mall and paid a visit to hot topic. I love that store. i bought the new Lenore shirt, 5 new Star Wars pins, and a Family Guy pin with Stewie on it. Then I got to go to Best Buy and I got a Linkin Park CD (Meteora) and a The Exies CD (Head For the Door). They rock. God, I'm tired. Like I said before, I just got done talking to Kirby. He's gonna cut his hair soon. Oh well, all good things must come to an end. He's gonna call me back as soon as he finishes his ice cream. Hmm, since I've nothing better to do, I think I'll go back to talking about my friends. Lets see, Sabbath (yeah that's her real name...) is a pretty interesting gal. She loves to draw and is an amazing artist. Her boyfriend of about 2 years, Brandon, recebtly asked her to marry him. But some things happened and now they're not together anymore. She's still madly in love with him. She smokes and drinks and hasn't been a virgin for quite some time, but she's a great person at heart. Everyone calls her a goth, but she's the most upbeat person I know. She's so perky that it's sad. Hmm, who else can I talk about? I've known Madelaine since I was 3 years old. we went to preschool together. We never have any classes together so we never see each other, but we're still pretty close. I never see her and that makes me pretty mad, but I get over it. She's even more optimistic than Sabbath. *sigh* She's a true blonde. Umm....who else is there? I used to be friends with this girl named Erin, but she got annoying reallly fast. She practically glows with confidence, but in my opinion, that's turned her into a slut. She went out with a guy I liked, and I could deal with that, until she cheated on him by kissing two different guys at a party only a few days after they started going out. Then she decided he was creepy and dumped him. People like her annoy me so much! I know lots of other people but they're really not all that interesting. Jose is my newest friend. He's one funny Mexican. I can't help it, I love the guy. He's pretty funny, but it annoyed the crap outta me when he asked Ashley out. It seems like all my guy friends like Ash. First it was Jeff, then my boyfriend Joe Ben, and now Jose. She turned him down like she always does though. *yawn* I can't think of anything else to write about. i hope kirby calls back soon....Oh, I can't help talking about him. I mean, we 're good friends. When I first met him in sixth grade he said something that I just can't seem to get out of my head, "you know, even though we really don't have that much in common, you're like my best friend, well not really my best, friend, but my really, really good friend, ya know?..." I know it seems silly, but that meant a lot to me. In seventh grade we grew apart because basically, Ashley chased him away with her shananagans(crap, how the hell do you spell that?!?!?). This year, toward the end, we kind of grew closer. He's a great person to talk to, and other that Jose and Ashley, he's the only person who knows about my cutting problem I had last year. (Ashley doesn't believe me and Jose probably doesn't either) I feel like I can trust him, but it kills me to hear him talk about Maggie. I'm so hopeless. All for now...(do you think I'm crazy, when it comes to him? I feel so silly).....

I don't feel like watching tv now, so I think I'll talk about my friends for a bit. None of them know about this blog (okay, so Ash knows. She doesn't count because she doesn't have internet right now). Speaking of Ashley, she's a good one to start out with. I've known her since the fourth grade (we're in the eighth grade now). We beacme friends really because everyone else made fun of us. She thought I was weird when we first met. In fifth grade we got lucky and had the same teacher. Unfortunately, so did Brian Leber and Cameran Hartley. These delightful *twitch* boys continued to make Ashley's, and now mine as well, lives a living hell. It's hard to be the fat kid. Their teasing affected Ash in such a dramatic way that during that summer, she developed an eating disorder. She became belemic (God, I have spelling). I helped her through this time and eventually got her back to normal. In seventh grade she started cutting (a few days after I summoned up the courage to tell her that I had started doing the sameand had been for weeks). I could hurt myself without any concern, but once she started I forced myself to stop. I did my best to get her to do the same, but in the end, her psyciatrist had to start doing his job. She's doing better now. Ash has been doing ballet since she was two (a passion that I've always had, but was never able to pursue). Currently, she does ballet, point, jazz, and probably something else I can't think of at the moment. She's in the band and plays the clarinet (so do I, but I dropped out of band because I was afraid I was gonna have a bad grade) and the guitar (sorta). Rachel is a great person. (We all calll her Rei) She's had a really hard life. Her parents are divorced. Her father is a maniac. I not kidding, he really is. He raped Rebecca, Rei's older sister. (Rebecca was once overheard saying, "If my daddy won't love me, I'll have to find another man that will," which explains her, the majority of the time, questionable behavior.) He has attempted to do the same to Rei on numerous occations. He refuses to pay child support and wouldn't pay for Rei to get braces, so her teeth are really screwed. He's verbally and physically abused Rebecca, Rei, their mother, and Rei's two younger siblings that I can't recalll the names of. He recently disowned Rachel because she wasn't mature enough. (I don't really understand what he's talking about...) Rei's a great person and a wonderful listener. She's great to have around if your feeling down. She has this weird obsession with mismatched socks and Harry Potter. She a bit of an oddball, but after all she's been through, whatever makes her happy is a blessing. Aperson as great as her deserves to have as much happiness as she can come by. Skye is a funny gal. Her mother is Tawainese and her father is Scottish. She loves marshmallows and coffee. She went through this weird phase when she wouldn't eat any part of a food that had made contact with her skin. She ate doritos with chopsticks at lunch everyday. She lives in her own little world, but if I had her mom, I would too. Her mom has this odd thing with furniture shopping, and she spends too much time trying to get Skye to waste her life completely with schoolwork. *yawn* I'm getting tired, I might add more people later...Farewell..........

I don't have the energy to talk about all the horrible things that happened today. Long story short, I got really mad at my mom and went crazy. i haven't felt this bad in so long. not since last year...I almost started cutting again, but I managed to stop myself. I'm working on my self-control but it's a losing battle. I cry too easily. I'm babysitting tonight so that should be fun. It's the Edmonson girls: Allyn, Haden, and Anna Ross. Allyn is the oldest and likes to play soccer. Haden is the middle child and adores dance. Anna Ross is the youngest, only two years old, and is really quite adorable and super sweet. The girls behave real well, but since I never had a younger sibling, it's kind of hard to understand Anna Ross sometimes. I leave at 6:30 and won't be home till 9 o'clock. I've got to wash my hair tonight, or it'll look terrible for church tomorrow. I hear pans being slung around in the kitchen, so either mom's startign dinner really early or she's just in a bad mood. I don't care which it is. We might get an exercise bike. I'd like to have one, but I'd rather have my wisdom teeth removed. The dentist told my mom to get an appointment for me 6 months ago. I think she forgot. Ash had to leave early for dance. She's having a big recital on the 20th. I'm going and so is Rachel. I'm worried about Rei, especially since she wasn't at Ginny's party Friday. She's got a rough life. I'm going to try and post some photos soon. I'm really tempting fate here. Oh well, I probably won't post any of me because I hate cameras! On the other hand, Stormy took a decent picture of me at the party with her new digital camera. *sigh* All for now, fare the well, friends. (or enemies, whatever you consider yourselves)